I couldn't help myself. I do hope you come and visit here. I even doubt if you ever know that I have a blog. And I wonder if you have visited here even once.
I sent you a poem this morning… I said it was meant for you, for I made it when I thought how distressed you were last Saturday. I tried asking you how you felt and you said you’re ok. I wonder if you’re concealing a truth just because there’s a gap between us… Or were you really alright? Are you still in a good shape even now?
Or are there secrets among us because you and I are only friends? We see each other almost everyday in school and I do still feel I’m like nobody seeming that you are rather closer with your friends from the school’s IG.
I didn’t mean to cause you feel awkward with the confession I made. I understand how stressful you’ve been… You said so in your personal message of your email address whenever you sign into MSN that you need a break. I told you this morning that when you are sick of everything, I want to be with you for anything –it’s true… I really want to…
But every single day, I almost find no words to say. That’s because I greatly fear with the presence of people all around us. I’m more comfortable when there’s just you and me in a room –I feel as though we can chat all day. I do not dare myself to confront you at times –I feel it’s rather right of me to speak to you across the room only because I’m afraid that you might suspect of me having affection for you.
You know –I wish I can share with you why or how I turn out to have this sentiment for you. I always hope that we could both be close friends. But how can that be possible when we do not even talk to each other much? All we always discussed were the day’s problems –it’s like as though friends in RP are passers-by. We’ll just end up drifting apart in weeks to come –but I’ve always been praying we could still be friends. I wish we could trust each other that we’re willing to be listening ears for one another. It’s true… it’s really true… I told you once in the bus that the most painful to say is “goodbye”…
I don’t want to say that to you. Day by day, you never know that I often stare at you and when our eyes meet, I am always hoping to smile at you. I always ask you if I could walk with you to school or home after when your IG training ends.
You’re truly the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life –I don’t know if you would even drop by here to read what I’ve written for you.
The story of mine has never often ended in a happy ending… It’s easy for others to say that I should let go of this feeling –I feel stung deep inside. To hold on is already agonising… to let go is as though having sharp spears piercing through my heart. What else do I have? I tried cherishing every moment I have with you despite being some little talks like “how are you”…
I really care for you… Do you remember the poem I sent you this morning?
The world is ever moving
The crowds are always chattering
In a street I see you sobbing
While I watch you running...
...Behind you I try pacing
I try reaching
When I see you walking
I'm still standing
And I see you crying
All alone you are standing
With fear I come walking
To console you I am hoping
Please be standing...
...For I am here when you are crying...
...Hoping for comforting
When you are sick of everything...
...I want to be with you for anything
I’m sorry to have bothered you so much. I tried not talking to you… It’s really painful… painful because the picture of you is always running in my mind. If you would like to know… the poem has yet to end. Please have another look at it again.
I sent to you in Microsoft Word format. Try highlight them all –you’ll learn that there are two more verses at the bottom where its fonts are in white. Switch its colour to black or any dark colour and you’ll find something.
This is how I feel… because I know that I’m not that close to you. I love being your friend and if it’s possible I want to be your true one who listens to your cries and taste the warmth of your tears, not enjoying your laughter. I want to be here and there for you but how can I even do so when I’m deprived of the chances of being closer to you? How can I even be your friend, then? Whenever I ask to walk home with you, it’s always the same friend who takes over my place… I wonder how then we can be closer…
I’m not really trying to scare you or anything… I just wish we could truly be friends –I want to be with you whenever you’re troubled and celebrate your blissful moments. The reason why I could do nothing but standing is because I’m not close to you…
I half-hope that you would ever come across this post…
Because if you do… I want to confess that I think…
…I’m in love with you
